We’ve all had the chance to put someone down for our own benefit. To ‘betray’ another person so that you can come out winning. It’s tempting, because in the end, each person should worry about themselves, and if you coming out on top means that someone else has sunken to the very bottom, then so be it, because it’s their problem to rise back up. It sounds so easy. Every man for himself. Survival of the fittest. However, not all people do this, for two reasons: 1) our conscience tells us it’s not right to get success out of another’s misery (although sadly this doesn’t apply to all people) 2) what goes around comes around, so putting someone down will someday impact you too, and most people know this and keep it in mind when making decisions.
Behind every decision we make there is a little voice inside our head that tells us if it’s a smart move, lets us analyse the consequences of our decision beforehand, and basically helps us decide what to do. This little voice is our conscience, and although sometimes people choose not to listen to it, it is what prevents many people from using other’s misery for their benefit. We know that it’s morally wrong, not to mention completely selfish and self-centered. Sometimes it ends up being a lose-lose scenario, because one’s conscience guilts the ‘winner’ into not being able to enjoy their victory, or sometimes even to taking back their success, except that the damage done to the other person is already done, so they both end up ‘losing’.
Likewise, stealing Sean Covey’s example, “I once heard of two friends being chased by a bear, when one turned to the other and said, ‘I don’t need to outrun the bear; I only need to outrun you.’” It seems logical. The bear will eat the one closest to him, so the fastest of the friends will survive. However, once the bear finishes eating the slower of the two friends, he’ll come after the faster one. They could’ve both worked together to escape the bear, protecting one another, and who’s to say that another bear won’t come along after he’s outrun the first one, only that this time he’ll be alone, when he could’ve had a partner to help him out. Instead, he thought selfishly, and will probably, in the end, be eaten as well.
Furthermore, thinking win-win is not about both winning independently, most of the time is helping one another to achieve success. As Sean Covey said, “Think win-win is an attitude toward life, a mental frame of mind that says I can win, and so can you. It’s not me or you, it’s both of us. Think win-win is the foundation for getting along well with other people. It begins with the belief that we are all equal, that no one is inferior or superior to anyone else, and no one really needs to be.” The only way to really win is by thinking win-win, because even though you would technically still win by thinking win-lose, the other person’s loss won’t come back later to bite you in the ass.
So, to wrap-up, thinking win-win is the only scenario where you really get to come out winning. By thinking win-lose one is exposing another person for failure, resulting on the ‘winner's’ feeling guilty for having put down the ‘loser’ for his own benefit, and although some people don’t feel guilty about this, they still get impacted by their decision later, probably because they were faced with a problem, and now didn’t have anyone they could count on to help them overcome it. Thinking win-lose is selfish, you win and the rest lose; Thinking lose-lose is even more selfish, it’s the classic “if I’m going down you’re coming with me”; Lose-win is even worse. It’s stupid. As Sean Covey describes it, it is the “doormat” attitude, where you jeopardize your success so another’s benefit. This leaves us with thinking win-win, where both sides end up winning, and, in difference to thinking win-lose, it is a real victory.
Behind every decision we make there is a little voice inside our head that tells us if it’s a smart move, lets us analyse the consequences of our decision beforehand, and basically helps us decide what to do. This little voice is our conscience, and although sometimes people choose not to listen to it, it is what prevents many people from using other’s misery for their benefit. We know that it’s morally wrong, not to mention completely selfish and self-centered. Sometimes it ends up being a lose-lose scenario, because one’s conscience guilts the ‘winner’ into not being able to enjoy their victory, or sometimes even to taking back their success, except that the damage done to the other person is already done, so they both end up ‘losing’.
Likewise, stealing Sean Covey’s example, “I once heard of two friends being chased by a bear, when one turned to the other and said, ‘I don’t need to outrun the bear; I only need to outrun you.’” It seems logical. The bear will eat the one closest to him, so the fastest of the friends will survive. However, once the bear finishes eating the slower of the two friends, he’ll come after the faster one. They could’ve both worked together to escape the bear, protecting one another, and who’s to say that another bear won’t come along after he’s outrun the first one, only that this time he’ll be alone, when he could’ve had a partner to help him out. Instead, he thought selfishly, and will probably, in the end, be eaten as well.
Furthermore, thinking win-win is not about both winning independently, most of the time is helping one another to achieve success. As Sean Covey said, “Think win-win is an attitude toward life, a mental frame of mind that says I can win, and so can you. It’s not me or you, it’s both of us. Think win-win is the foundation for getting along well with other people. It begins with the belief that we are all equal, that no one is inferior or superior to anyone else, and no one really needs to be.” The only way to really win is by thinking win-win, because even though you would technically still win by thinking win-lose, the other person’s loss won’t come back later to bite you in the ass.
So, to wrap-up, thinking win-win is the only scenario where you really get to come out winning. By thinking win-lose one is exposing another person for failure, resulting on the ‘winner's’ feeling guilty for having put down the ‘loser’ for his own benefit, and although some people don’t feel guilty about this, they still get impacted by their decision later, probably because they were faced with a problem, and now didn’t have anyone they could count on to help them overcome it. Thinking win-lose is selfish, you win and the rest lose; Thinking lose-lose is even more selfish, it’s the classic “if I’m going down you’re coming with me”; Lose-win is even worse. It’s stupid. As Sean Covey describes it, it is the “doormat” attitude, where you jeopardize your success so another’s benefit. This leaves us with thinking win-win, where both sides end up winning, and, in difference to thinking win-lose, it is a real victory.